If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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