My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
