i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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