the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
