ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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