speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
