it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i need an iv and a liver transplant
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize