I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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