I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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