Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
