im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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