Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
