i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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