winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
