I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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