you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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