So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
