Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
