The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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