so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
