It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
