It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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