he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He felt like a one man threesome
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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