So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
