Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
