I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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