FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
