Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Randomize
