ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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