Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
