I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
id be glad to
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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