Everything about him screamed your future.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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