Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
