And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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