grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I got her a Nickelback box set.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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