I am in a vortex of obligation.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
