I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
