dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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