Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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