Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
