im six kinds of drunk right now
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize