so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
