May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
