I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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