don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
