dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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