Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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