Your dad touched me again.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
