If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
