it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
