He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
