I didn't shave. On purpose
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
