Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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