And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
