your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
