I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
