I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
