Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yo dont text me then not text me
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
