Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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