Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
