my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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