Duck Duck Cougar?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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