Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
3pm strippers are depressing
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
