My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
