Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
