i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
