I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
