i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Can you bring me the toilet please
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
