My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
