Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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