Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
