I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
