I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
