I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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