The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Naked. naked and bneed help.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
