I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
third nipple confirmed
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
