i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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