words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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